Phillipians Week 2, Day 1

Hi!  I'm back.  I know I took a week off, but I'm back.  That is progress where I am concerned.  Usually I start a journal/blog and after a week I'm gone and I forget to come back.  I'm pretty connected to this study to Phillipians.  I really want a record of Bible study this year, something is letting me know I will need it.  

I found that including a praise and worship song at the beginning of my study/journal time really helped focus my time, so I will endeavor to include a song that speaks to me that day/week at the beginning of the journal each day.

Praise and Worship

Breathe by Johnny Diaz

This song has really been speaking to me, but especially today as I start school.  Things are always rush, rush, rush, but today I got a slap in the face and I'm really hearing God's call to just BREATHE.  I've had my class list for about a week today, but today I found out the severe behavior problems one of my students has.   Last year for me was one of my worst years ever.  I had students with severe behavior and academic problems.  I felt like I couldn't even teach everyday.  Hearing this news I tried to control the situation in my own way and it just wasn't resolving.  On the way home this song was on.  All I need to do is just breathe and know that God has this.  This may be another horrid year, but God is my ever present help in times of trouble (Ps 46:1).  I should be strong and courageous and not be terrified because God will never leave me or forsake me (Deut 31:6).  He is my strong tower I can run to him and be safe (Prov 18:10).  I shall not fear because God is with me.  He will strengthen me and help me; he will uphold me with his righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).  If God is for me, who can be against me (Romans 8:31).  In light of all this... God is my God...he gives me strength when I am weak.  I pray that God keep and preserve me, strengthen me and give me help this year.  Amen

Bible Study

Bible Verse: For everyone looks our for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

Bible Reading: Acts 16:11-40

Paul's visit to Phillipi:  Paul and his companions travelled to Phillipi, where he went by the river on the Sabbath expecting a place to pray.  There they preached to the women and met Lydia a worshipper in God and a merchant of purple cloth.   Through the preaching her heart was open to the truth and she responded to the message.  She and her whole house were baptized.  She urged Paul and his companions to come stay with her.  

While in Phillipi, Paula and Silas were headed to a place of prayer when they crossed a woman with a spirit who could tell the future.  She cried out that these men were servants of the Most High God and that they were telling the way to be saved.  She followed them and shouted constantly.  Finally Paul confronted the spirit and cast it out in the name of Jesus.  The slave woman's owners became angry because she would no longer turn a profit for them, so they seized Paul and Silas and brought them to the authorities in the marketplace.  They claimed that Paul and Silas were encouraging Roman citizens to follow other customs that were forbidden.  Paul and Silas were stripped, flogged and thrown into jail.  

While in jail they were singing hymns when an earthquake shook the jail and provided an escape for everyone.  The jailer wanted to commit suicide because he thought the prisoners had left.  Seeing they were there, he believed and was baptized.  The next day the authorities released Paul and Silas, but Paul forced them to come to the jail and free him themselves.  They then returned to Lydia's house.

Praise/worship for today

Bible Study

Memory Verse: Rejoice in the Lord always!  And again I say rejoice!  Phillipians 4:4

Bible Reading:  Acts 9:15; Ephesians 3

Reflection:  Paul's mission was go preach the Gospel to the Gentiles.  Through the Gospel Gentiles are now co-heirs with Israel members of one body of the "church" and share the promises of Jesus (Eph 3: 6). He was to preach to the Gentiles the unlimited love of Christ and build churches so that the wisdom of God be spread on Earth and in the heavenly realms (Eph 8-10).  He was to spread the good news that we can now approach God through Jesus with freedom and confidence ( Eph 12).

Bible Reading:  Acts 9:15; Ephesians 3

Reflection:  The "mystery of Christ" is that through the shed blood of Jesus Gentiles can now enter into covenant relationship with God.  Before they were outside of his covenant because they were not members of his chosen people.  But, by Jesus dying on the cross for the sins of everyone who believes, all who believe can now enter into a covenant relationship with God.

Paul's mission was important in forming the early church because he was spreading the Gospel/good news of Christ.  He was letting all know that Jesus died for their sins.  That through confessing with their mouths and believing in their hearts that Jesus died for their sins, they are saved (Rom 10:9).  Before Paul the message was primarily spread to Jews and those living in their midst.  This was the first time (?) that the message was being spread to those outside of the "Jewish faith".

Bible Reading:  Ephesians 3:13; 2 Corinthians 11:18-28

Reflection:  Paul's sufferings
1. worked harder
2. been in prison
3. flogged severely
4. exposed to death repeatedly
5. 5 times received 40 lashes
6. three times beaten with rods
7. pelted with stones
8. shipwrecked 3 times
9. spent 1 night 1 day at sea
10. constantly on the move
11. danger from rivers
12. danger from bandits
13. danger from Jews
14. danger from Gentiles
15. danger at sea
16. danger in the country
17. danger from false believers
18. labored and toiled
19. gone without sleep
20. hunger
21. thirst
22. cold and naked
23. feel pressure for the church(es)

Bible Reading:  2 Corinthians 11:18-28; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Reflection:  In comparing the two readings, Paul is boasting in different ways.  In the first he is listing all his trials and tribulations to boast as the world boasts.  In the second he is acknowledging that he has difficulties, but realizing they are momentary and leading to something great in the heavenly realms.  I guess this teaches us to have joy in Christ so that you can bear the sufferings here on Earth.

Hello again!

So, straight into bible study today.

Memory Verse: Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say rejoice.  Phillipians 4:4

Reflection:
I've been reading about Saul/Paul.  Paul tried to destroy the church before his conversion.  He was zealous for his version of the truth, which was not THE truth.  Paul was on the Sanheidran and he was persecuting the followers of the new Way.  When Stephen was stoned, he gathered people's coats and looked on in agreement.

I'm back!

Not sure who I'm saying this to because this was started just as an outlet for me to get my thoughts out.  I don't think anyone is reading this, but that's OK.

Quick update

I had my follow up with my fertility doc.  The answer was pretty much what I expected, but the process is a little more complicated than I expected.  Since my hubby is pretty private I'll respect that.  Let's just say there's a little more testing to be done, which I did not expect.  So...we'll see when the actual process will start.

My heart

I am often struck by music. It's when I hear/feel God speaking to me the most.  Certain songs will get stuck in my spirit and just speak to me.  I only listen to a Christian music radio station in my car.  I was driving to school (or home) and I heard this song that was brand new (to me).  What caught my attention was they said it was a singer from Lady Antebellum... I was like, hey that's not a Christian group.  I then listened to the song and goodness gracious.. I totally spoke to where I am now.  

I know God is good...I know he has good/great things in store for me, but getting through the right now can be tough.  The line that really sticks with me is "When I try to pray/ All I got is hurt/ And these four words.../ Thy will be done".

I had a HARD school year last year.  I was applying for other schools trying to get out of my situation.  I prayed about it, a bit.  Asking kinda perfunctorily for God to show me his will and to bless the situation if it was in his will.  It seemed to be all in his will...everything was working out and falling into place.  And then it didn't.  I didn't get the job.  I was stunned.  I wasn't sure I was going to take the job even if I got it, but I didn't expect to not get it.  Kinda like the beginning of the song: "I'm so confused/ I know I heard you loud and clear/ So I followed through/ Somehow I ended up here/ I don't wanna think/ I may never understand/ That my broken heart is a part of Your plan/ When I try to pray/ All I've got is hurt/ And these four words... / Thy will be done".  Despite being frustrated and angry at the situation, I couldn't forget all the promises about God   He is good.  He wants good for me.  He is a good, good father.  He loves me.  He is love.  He has a purpose and plan for my life.  Despite all my human feelings I cannot deny the goodness and glory of God.  I think that's why Thy Will be Done really hits me at a visceral level.  It acknowledges my human feelings, but reminds me that "Sometimes I gotta stop/ Remember you are God/ and I am not".

Bible Study

I am doing a 4 week study of Phillipians from the Time-Warp Wife.  I will be reflecting here on the Bible verses

Reading: Romans 1:1;  Acts 13:9; Acts 9: 1-31
Reflection: It was very interesting something that I read in Matthew Henry's commentary , "How near to us is the unseen world! It is but for God to draw aside the veil, and objects are presented to the view, compared with which, whatever is most admired on earth is mean and contemptible".  The first part of this is what is so interesting to me.  There are things unseen by our human eyes and it takes God pulling back the veil as it were to open our eyes to what he sees.  Similar to what happened with Elisha and his servant in 2 Kings 6: 15-17.  There is so much working for our good/ in God's plan for our life that we just can't see and we have to trust in God.
Another gem from the commentary, "When we enter into the way of God, we must look for trials; but the Lord knows how to deliver the godly, and will, with the temptation, also make a way to escape".  This echos what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10: 12-13.  Temptations will come, but God will not let you be tempted past what you can bear and will always provide a way out.  
That's kinda just where my thoughts were in reading this passage.

Memory verse: Phillipans 4:4, "Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice".  
Hopefully typing it out will help me remember it.

That's it for tonight folks!  

First Thoughts

I started this journal because I have so many thoughts in my head.  We'll see how long I continue it, because I never seem to keep up with journals very long.  I'm currently writing this as I watch the opening ceremonies for the Rio 2016 Olympics.  So, I'm having difficulty focusing, but now it's over so I can concentrate.  Anyway, I started this journal because I have too many thoughts in my head and I need a place where I can let these thoughts out.

Background

I am a teacher.  That makes up about 80% of who I am.  I love to teach and I live to teach.  I honestly cannot imagine doing anything else with my life.  Two years ago I was lucky enough to marry my amazing husband.  I never thought I wanted kids.  I give 120% at my job.  I get to school early and I stay late.  I could not imagine how I could give 100% to my job and 100% to my family.

Soon after getting married, I saw how awesome my hubby is with kids and I started to rethink my position on kids.  We decided to start trying to have a baby about a year after we got married.  I was officially diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18, but we knew I had it starting around when I was 15.  I made an appointment with our local fertility clinic.  Unbeknownst to me, this clinic is one of the tops in the nation.  My hubby wasn't on board, so I decided to let things go until he felt more comfortable getting help.
Fast forward to this summer.  We've been trying about 2 years now and nada.  I finally made an appointment with Penn Fertility and we followed through with all the test they wanted to run

Disaster

We find out that not only do I have PCOS (which we knew), but hubby has low count and possible motility issues.  I go for my HSG, not thinking much of it and find out BOTH my tubes are blocked.  What??  How??  Additonal background- I was a virgin until I got married.  How the heck did this happen?

Now
Now, I'm trying to deal with the fact that I will probably have to undergo IVF to get pregnant.  I have a lot of feelings going through my head; none of which is clear.  And that is where this prayer/bible/journal journal comes in.  Throughout this process I have not felt super close to God.  I know that he is watching over me and I know that he has his hand on my life.  I just desire to get closer to him.

Later
It is now 1 am in the morning.  It is the Sabbath.  I will talk to you all tomorrow.  Until later...

First Thoughts

I started this journal because I have so many thoughts in my head.  We'll see how long I continue it, because I never seem to keep up with journals very long.  I'm currently writing this as I watch the opening ceremonies for the Rio 2016 Olympics.  So, I'm having difficulty focusing, but now it's over so I can concentrate.  Anyway, I started this journal because I have too many thoughts in my head and I need a place where I can let these thoughts out.

Background

I am a teacher.  That makes up about 80% of who I am.  I love to teach and I live to teach.  I honestly cannot imagine doing anything else with my life.  Two years ago I was lucky enough to marry my amazing husband.  I never thought I wanted kids.  I give 120% at my job.  I get to school early and I stay late.  I could not imagine how I could give 100% to my job and 100% to my family.

Soon after getting married, I saw how awesome my hubby is with kids and I started to rethink my position on kids.  We decided to start trying to have a baby about a year after we got married.  I was officially diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18, but we knew I had it starting around when I was 15.  I made an appointment with our local fertility clinic.  Unbeknownst to me, this clinic is one of the tops in the nation.  My hubby wasn't on board, so I decided to let things go until he felt more comfortable getting help.
Fast forward to this summer.  We've been trying about 2 years now and nada.  I finally made an appointment with Penn Fertility and we followed through with all the test they wanted to run

Disaster

We find out that not only do I have PCOS (which we knew), but hubby has low count and possible motility issues.  I go for my HSG, not thinking much of it and find out BOTH my tubes are blocked.  What??  How??  Additonal background- I was a virgin until I got married.  How the heck did this happen?

Now
Now, I'm trying to deal with the fact that I will probably have to undergo IVF to get pregnant.  I have a lot of feelings going through my head; none of which is clear.  And that is where this prayer/bible/journal journal comes in.  Throughout this process I have not felt super close to God.  I know that he is watching over me and I know that he has his hand on my life.  I just desire to get closer to him.

Later
It is now 1 am in the morning.  It is the Sabbath.  I will talk to you all tomorrow.  Until later...

Day 1 Journaling

Can one have a sidebar if you haven't actually started something?  Either way...

I've always been overweight and clearly if I want to have a baby etc etc, it is better to be...well...not overweight.  I was eating Paleo (basically low/no gluten, lots of protein, no dairy and veggies) for about a year.  I saw some progress, but I stalled after about 10 pounds lost.  After talking with a friend/acquaintance from church he challenged me to look into ketogenic eating.  I was like WHAAAT?!  Who eats fat like that, but after doing A LOT of research (anyone who knows me knows I research the heck out of things) I decided to give it a go.  The first thing I noticed was how good I felt.  I have been able to eat salads on a regularity that I have not been able to eat in years (IBS...another story for another time).  So, listening to my body I think this is definitely a WOE (way of eating) that I will be keeping up.  So...all this to say that I made a delicious keto hot chocolate...sooo yummy!  Thanks to reddit for this recipe:

1. 1.5 tablespoons cocoa powder (no sugar)
2. 1.5 tablespoons Swerve (or any other sugar substitute...I have a sweet tooth so I put more than was     recommended in the original version)
3.  1 tablespoon vanilla extract (with alcohol)
4.  1.5 cups boiling water
5. 1.5 cups heavy whipping cream

Mix dry ingredients then add wet ingredients...I put the water in first and mixed it well.  I then added the cream and the cream cooled down the drink so I was able to drink it immediately.  SOOOO GOOOD!

Ok... I'm off topic.  So, I decided to start this blog to record my thoughts on this journey.  I think I talked about this in my opening blog post, but here's a short recap.  I got married to my awesome hubby about 2.5 years ago.  I wasn't 100% sure I wanted kids, but then I saw my hubby with kids and saw a ton of my colleagues getting pregnant and after some prayer and soul searching I decided I would like to embark on the journey to have a child.  I knew it would be difficult because I had been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) when I was 18.

I dragged the hubby to a fertility specialist a year ago (almost exactly) after we decided that we would not officially try, but not prevent.  We had an awesome meeting, but my hubby was super uncomfortable the entire time.  I don't think he thought how hard it would be, so I let it go.  I decided to let us just try for this year until I turned that dreaded age: 35.

We had so many roadblocks.  I have a stressful job, hubby had a SUPER stressful and physically demanding job.  We couldn't connect to try very often because of scheduling and just physically being out of it.

So after a year of trying I am staring down 35 and I'm like, if this is going to happen, it has to happen this year.  So, I drag encourage hubby to come with me to a different fertility doc, one that my friend recommended.  The only thing is the office is near my hometown, which is 3 (on a good day) hours away from our house.  We're going up to visit my 'rents anyway, so we get an appointment.  I LOVE the office.  It is majority female and minority, which is important to me.  The nurse is AMAZING, so warm and friendly and kind.  They were so thorough there.  They asked all kinds of questions and ran an incredibly battery of tests to see where we are with things.  My tests mostly come back normal/expected.  The last test is an HSG.  I don't know if any of you know what it is/have had it done, but it's not fun.   Or at least it was not for me.  I am on this super old and uncomfortable table and they shoot dye into me (this is a fertility test- imagine where that dye is going).  I cramped REALLY badly, but I soldiered through.  With the test they also insert a scope/camera, so I get real-time diagnosis.  What did they find?  BOTH my tubes are blocked.  WTH?!  HOW did THAT happen?  Right now I have no answers.

Oh!  I forgot.  Hubby also had to get his swimmers checked out...not super great news there either.
I'm taking this news pretty well, I think.  No bouts of crying...more confusion and working through the emotions of coming to terms with the inevitable: IVF.  I was praying that I would be able to take oral meds to force ovulation and timed intercourse.  I had even resigned myself to a trigger shot, if I had to.  Worst case scenario, I was prepared for IUI.  So, I take the drugs, hubby does his thing and they shoot them into me.. BOOM.  I was ready for that.  But, IVF...?  Not so much.  First and most important I HATE needles.  I know I have been using a lot of caps, but there are not enough capital letters to describe to you the fear/dislike I have for needles.  When I was younger I actually had to be held down to get a vaccine.  Seriously I hate needles.  So, coming to grips with the daily needles and bloodwork to be taken has been hard.  I felt the need to start a Bible/prayer journal which is where this blog comes in.  When the school year starts I plan to post my bible reading for the day and any thoughts I have.  Until then, I will post the bible reading from the book Anchored in Hope: devotionals for infertility.

So this post has been hecka long, so I will start my devotional posts tomorrow.  Until then!