Day 1 Journaling

Can one have a sidebar if you haven't actually started something?  Either way...

I've always been overweight and clearly if I want to have a baby etc etc, it is better to be...well...not overweight.  I was eating Paleo (basically low/no gluten, lots of protein, no dairy and veggies) for about a year.  I saw some progress, but I stalled after about 10 pounds lost.  After talking with a friend/acquaintance from church he challenged me to look into ketogenic eating.  I was like WHAAAT?!  Who eats fat like that, but after doing A LOT of research (anyone who knows me knows I research the heck out of things) I decided to give it a go.  The first thing I noticed was how good I felt.  I have been able to eat salads on a regularity that I have not been able to eat in years (IBS...another story for another time).  So, listening to my body I think this is definitely a WOE (way of eating) that I will be keeping up.  So...all this to say that I made a delicious keto hot chocolate...sooo yummy!  Thanks to reddit for this recipe:

1. 1.5 tablespoons cocoa powder (no sugar)
2. 1.5 tablespoons Swerve (or any other sugar substitute...I have a sweet tooth so I put more than was     recommended in the original version)
3.  1 tablespoon vanilla extract (with alcohol)
4.  1.5 cups boiling water
5. 1.5 cups heavy whipping cream

Mix dry ingredients then add wet ingredients...I put the water in first and mixed it well.  I then added the cream and the cream cooled down the drink so I was able to drink it immediately.  SOOOO GOOOD!

Ok... I'm off topic.  So, I decided to start this blog to record my thoughts on this journey.  I think I talked about this in my opening blog post, but here's a short recap.  I got married to my awesome hubby about 2.5 years ago.  I wasn't 100% sure I wanted kids, but then I saw my hubby with kids and saw a ton of my colleagues getting pregnant and after some prayer and soul searching I decided I would like to embark on the journey to have a child.  I knew it would be difficult because I had been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) when I was 18.

I dragged the hubby to a fertility specialist a year ago (almost exactly) after we decided that we would not officially try, but not prevent.  We had an awesome meeting, but my hubby was super uncomfortable the entire time.  I don't think he thought how hard it would be, so I let it go.  I decided to let us just try for this year until I turned that dreaded age: 35.

We had so many roadblocks.  I have a stressful job, hubby had a SUPER stressful and physically demanding job.  We couldn't connect to try very often because of scheduling and just physically being out of it.

So after a year of trying I am staring down 35 and I'm like, if this is going to happen, it has to happen this year.  So, I drag encourage hubby to come with me to a different fertility doc, one that my friend recommended.  The only thing is the office is near my hometown, which is 3 (on a good day) hours away from our house.  We're going up to visit my 'rents anyway, so we get an appointment.  I LOVE the office.  It is majority female and minority, which is important to me.  The nurse is AMAZING, so warm and friendly and kind.  They were so thorough there.  They asked all kinds of questions and ran an incredibly battery of tests to see where we are with things.  My tests mostly come back normal/expected.  The last test is an HSG.  I don't know if any of you know what it is/have had it done, but it's not fun.   Or at least it was not for me.  I am on this super old and uncomfortable table and they shoot dye into me (this is a fertility test- imagine where that dye is going).  I cramped REALLY badly, but I soldiered through.  With the test they also insert a scope/camera, so I get real-time diagnosis.  What did they find?  BOTH my tubes are blocked.  WTH?!  HOW did THAT happen?  Right now I have no answers.

Oh!  I forgot.  Hubby also had to get his swimmers checked out...not super great news there either.
I'm taking this news pretty well, I think.  No bouts of crying...more confusion and working through the emotions of coming to terms with the inevitable: IVF.  I was praying that I would be able to take oral meds to force ovulation and timed intercourse.  I had even resigned myself to a trigger shot, if I had to.  Worst case scenario, I was prepared for IUI.  So, I take the drugs, hubby does his thing and they shoot them into me.. BOOM.  I was ready for that.  But, IVF...?  Not so much.  First and most important I HATE needles.  I know I have been using a lot of caps, but there are not enough capital letters to describe to you the fear/dislike I have for needles.  When I was younger I actually had to be held down to get a vaccine.  Seriously I hate needles.  So, coming to grips with the daily needles and bloodwork to be taken has been hard.  I felt the need to start a Bible/prayer journal which is where this blog comes in.  When the school year starts I plan to post my bible reading for the day and any thoughts I have.  Until then, I will post the bible reading from the book Anchored in Hope: devotionals for infertility.

So this post has been hecka long, so I will start my devotional posts tomorrow.  Until then!