First Thoughts

I started this journal because I have so many thoughts in my head.  We'll see how long I continue it, because I never seem to keep up with journals very long.  I'm currently writing this as I watch the opening ceremonies for the Rio 2016 Olympics.  So, I'm having difficulty focusing, but now it's over so I can concentrate.  Anyway, I started this journal because I have too many thoughts in my head and I need a place where I can let these thoughts out.

Background

I am a teacher.  That makes up about 80% of who I am.  I love to teach and I live to teach.  I honestly cannot imagine doing anything else with my life.  Two years ago I was lucky enough to marry my amazing husband.  I never thought I wanted kids.  I give 120% at my job.  I get to school early and I stay late.  I could not imagine how I could give 100% to my job and 100% to my family.

Soon after getting married, I saw how awesome my hubby is with kids and I started to rethink my position on kids.  We decided to start trying to have a baby about a year after we got married.  I was officially diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18, but we knew I had it starting around when I was 15.  I made an appointment with our local fertility clinic.  Unbeknownst to me, this clinic is one of the tops in the nation.  My hubby wasn't on board, so I decided to let things go until he felt more comfortable getting help.
Fast forward to this summer.  We've been trying about 2 years now and nada.  I finally made an appointment with Penn Fertility and we followed through with all the test they wanted to run

Disaster

We find out that not only do I have PCOS (which we knew), but hubby has low count and possible motility issues.  I go for my HSG, not thinking much of it and find out BOTH my tubes are blocked.  What??  How??  Additonal background- I was a virgin until I got married.  How the heck did this happen?

Now
Now, I'm trying to deal with the fact that I will probably have to undergo IVF to get pregnant.  I have a lot of feelings going through my head; none of which is clear.  And that is where this prayer/bible/journal journal comes in.  Throughout this process I have not felt super close to God.  I know that he is watching over me and I know that he has his hand on my life.  I just desire to get closer to him.

Later
It is now 1 am in the morning.  It is the Sabbath.  I will talk to you all tomorrow.  Until later...