I'm back!

Not sure who I'm saying this to because this was started just as an outlet for me to get my thoughts out.  I don't think anyone is reading this, but that's OK.

Quick update

I had my follow up with my fertility doc.  The answer was pretty much what I expected, but the process is a little more complicated than I expected.  Since my hubby is pretty private I'll respect that.  Let's just say there's a little more testing to be done, which I did not expect.  So...we'll see when the actual process will start.

My heart

I am often struck by music. It's when I hear/feel God speaking to me the most.  Certain songs will get stuck in my spirit and just speak to me.  I only listen to a Christian music radio station in my car.  I was driving to school (or home) and I heard this song that was brand new (to me).  What caught my attention was they said it was a singer from Lady Antebellum... I was like, hey that's not a Christian group.  I then listened to the song and goodness gracious.. I totally spoke to where I am now.  

I know God is good...I know he has good/great things in store for me, but getting through the right now can be tough.  The line that really sticks with me is "When I try to pray/ All I got is hurt/ And these four words.../ Thy will be done".

I had a HARD school year last year.  I was applying for other schools trying to get out of my situation.  I prayed about it, a bit.  Asking kinda perfunctorily for God to show me his will and to bless the situation if it was in his will.  It seemed to be all in his will...everything was working out and falling into place.  And then it didn't.  I didn't get the job.  I was stunned.  I wasn't sure I was going to take the job even if I got it, but I didn't expect to not get it.  Kinda like the beginning of the song: "I'm so confused/ I know I heard you loud and clear/ So I followed through/ Somehow I ended up here/ I don't wanna think/ I may never understand/ That my broken heart is a part of Your plan/ When I try to pray/ All I've got is hurt/ And these four words... / Thy will be done".  Despite being frustrated and angry at the situation, I couldn't forget all the promises about God   He is good.  He wants good for me.  He is a good, good father.  He loves me.  He is love.  He has a purpose and plan for my life.  Despite all my human feelings I cannot deny the goodness and glory of God.  I think that's why Thy Will be Done really hits me at a visceral level.  It acknowledges my human feelings, but reminds me that "Sometimes I gotta stop/ Remember you are God/ and I am not".

Bible Study

I am doing a 4 week study of Phillipians from the Time-Warp Wife.  I will be reflecting here on the Bible verses

Reading: Romans 1:1;  Acts 13:9; Acts 9: 1-31
Reflection: It was very interesting something that I read in Matthew Henry's commentary , "How near to us is the unseen world! It is but for God to draw aside the veil, and objects are presented to the view, compared with which, whatever is most admired on earth is mean and contemptible".  The first part of this is what is so interesting to me.  There are things unseen by our human eyes and it takes God pulling back the veil as it were to open our eyes to what he sees.  Similar to what happened with Elisha and his servant in 2 Kings 6: 15-17.  There is so much working for our good/ in God's plan for our life that we just can't see and we have to trust in God.
Another gem from the commentary, "When we enter into the way of God, we must look for trials; but the Lord knows how to deliver the godly, and will, with the temptation, also make a way to escape".  This echos what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10: 12-13.  Temptations will come, but God will not let you be tempted past what you can bear and will always provide a way out.  
That's kinda just where my thoughts were in reading this passage.

Memory verse: Phillipans 4:4, "Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice".  
Hopefully typing it out will help me remember it.

That's it for tonight folks!